Is There Any Point to a Poor-Quality Relationship?

Is There Any Point to a Poor-Quality Relationship?

If everyone read “Lying”, a small book, an easy read written by Sam Harris, humanity would be in a better position to thrive.

 

This is a second post where I refer to “Lying”, one of the best non-fiction books I’ve read in my lifetime. Do yourself and everyone else a favour and read it! Now!

 

How can someone expect to have a semblance of a relationship with another when they are consistently dishonest? “Lies are the social equivalent of toxic waste – everyone is potentially harmed by their spread.”

 

“We know that trust is deeply rewarding and that deception and suspicion are two sides of the same coin. Research suggests that all forms of lying — including white lies meant to spare the feelings of others — are associated with poorer-quality relationships.”

 

What is the point of a poor-quality relationship? Time is precious. It’s not worth spending energy on those that can’t live with integrity.

 

“When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best judges of how much they should understand about their own lives—about how they appear, their reputations, or their prospects in the world. This is an extraordinary stance to adopt toward other human beings, and it requires justification. Unless someone is suicidal or otherwise on the brink, deciding how much he should know about himself seems the quintessence of arrogance. What attitude could be more disrespectful of those we care about?”

 

Unless care doesn’t come into it…How can someone even claim to care if they continuously lie and bequeath a life made up of fragility or rather, untruths?

 

“Relationships often begin with commonality, but they grow deeper through conflict. Hiding your opinions and beliefs from friends or family in order to avoid conflict also has the effect of avoiding relationship. Indeed, it even undermines relationship if your evasiveness arouses their suspicion. Moreover, you’ll be likely to avoid or even resent them because of the burden of maintaining your duplicity.”

 

Imagine every interaction you have with someone where the facts have to be checked? Simply because each time you’ve been able to prove their mouth delivers untruths. It arouses suspicion as speedily as a head-on collision. Sincerity then becomes non-existent.

 

“Duplicity: the belying of one’s true intentions by deceptive words or action,” as stated by the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

 

When actions do not match words, interactions become insufferable.

 

Always remember, when you lie, you’ve instantly lost the moral high ground.

 

I implore everyone to read “Lying”. It will change your life and how you perceive others. It will help you to improve beyond comprehension and detach yourself from those that simply cannot live honestly. There is no other choice. Unless you choose to live unauthentically.

 

Resistance is Futile! As always… 

2 Replies to “Is There Any Point to a Poor-Quality Relationship?”

  1. Dear Cressida,

    Toxic relationships are endured only when there is a benefit from doing so. The benefits can be many but the damage can be catastrophic to both mental and physical health. Leaving out some detail can be seen by some as lying yet not to others.

    You are a woman who has embraced the truth and leaves no stone unturned in finding it. I admire your quest for self improvement. Being honest, not two faced and having integrity in all relationships, especially with oneself, is the right way to live.

    If I had someone in my life that was consistently dishonest, duplicitous, manipulative and disrespected me by ignoring my boundaries, I would not waste second in removing them from my life. It just would not be fair to me and my values.

    Respectfully yours,

    Tarquin

    I will read this book and look forward to it.

    1. Dear Tarquin,

      I am happy to read and especially know that you too respect yourself enough not to go against your values, no matter what’s at stake. This I knew from day one and it wasn’t just words. Your actions confirmed it all, even when your career and livelihood did not lend itself to honesty when it came to others.

      It’s a pleasure knowing you and I deeply appreciate our friendship, something real and beyond “vanf$£@ingnilla!”

      I look forward to learning your sentiments once you’ve read “Lying.” Actually, it may all be so obvious to you and confirm what you stand for.

      Cressida

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