I Am Not Who I Once Was: Who We Become after Trauma

I Am Not Who I Once Was: Who We Become after Trauma

 28th Post Challenge of 31

Most people find it difficult to accept someone else changing. I see it often amongst people I know and it’s sad to see how much it affects, even debilitates the one witnessing the evolution in the other.

Elephant Journal has expressed this aptly, which I include an excerpt from, a most poignant piece.


…Our job is not to apologize to the people in our lives who knew us before because we can’t go back to being the person before the crisis. The crisis happened for a reason.

We sometimes can’t go back into a marriage after we’ve had an affair, because the affair changed us.

We can’t go back to a partner that supported us through an addiction, because what kept us with them in the first place was the addiction itself.

I have a friend who lost his son, and he told me the entire dynamic of his family changed when his son died. You don’t lose a child or your partner and not have that loss completely change who you are at your very core. And once you’ve changed, everyone around you follows suit.

Your energy changes; their energy changes.

If you are the person trying to support a friend, a spouse, a lover or a family member through a life crisis, understand that they will not be the person you once knew.

Don’t expect them to be.

Expect that they are either going to rise up to their full potential or spiral out of control. They will not fall into line and give in to things they know are no longer right for them anymore, because of what they have been through.

They will not comply.

They will to be forced into decisions or just do what they’re told to do anymore. They have some battle scars.

They will start living their life differently. Maybe doing things you don’t understand or will make you scream, “Why are they doing this? This isn’t who they are.”

Except it is. It is who they are now. They are not who they once were. They are somebody new.

You will have to accept this new version of them if you want them in your life. Have compassion. Allow them to be this new person.

They arrived here because of something deeply traumatic and painful. They are coming into this new version of themselves because of it. It is part of their personal journey and one that may elevate them to a different place that needs to be held and seen with much compassion. Trauma is never easy and we need to honor the person they have now become for having been through it…



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