Magnificent Milton Keynes

Magnificent Milton Keynes

Somebody I used to know contacted me via LinkedIn. I almost fainted. I had to go back and find the extract I wrote about him when we first met. It goes a little something like this…


Once upon a time, more than 10 years ago…


The weekend before my Irish adventure something incredible happened…


I woke at 6:30am – earlier than I did for bloody work – and once dressed and topped up with caffeine I missioned all the way to Euston Station. From Neasden, grottiest of grotty places, on the Jubilee line to the Northern, chop and change and change and chop, I made it with 10mins to spare.


Fast train by Virgin took me to Birmingham New Street. Seriously, I should have known before agreeing to spend the day with Dom (after having met him on a Backpackers tour to Scotland for Hogmanay). I stepped off that train just before 11am, and guess who wasn’t waiting?


After 15mins of pacing, I found him outside, resting inside his car. He reckoned he couldn’t find parking. Did I believe him? Not on his life!


Excited didn’t even come close to what I was feeling. Guilt also tried to make itself comfortable within. Yes, we got on well during the trip and kissed when pissed at midnight, but I must have kissed at least 4 others, all innocent, of course… Why was I bloody well in Birmingham then? To experience someone new – I meant, to experience something new. Who invited Freud? Damn good for nothing. Oh and to eat as much chocolate as I could at Cadburys? Yes, that must have been it!


He was as I remembered; thank goodness, not any bleeding less charming.


The tour of Cadbury World at least cheered me up. All that warm liquid chocolate instantly put a spring in my step – excuse the pun for this time of the year.


During the divine tour, Dom attempted to hold my hand, which I kept slapping ever so politely away, and talked so much about what he would love for us to do together in the future. And he was sodding well only 2 months older than me! What was he on? Our first so-called date and he wanted us to travel and work together abroad. Get a stinking life! What a goddamn turn-off, you freak!


Dom had forgotten his bank card at home, of course, he had, which he needed so that he could take me to lunch at the local pub where I had to meet his friends. What? Yeah right!


Off to his house, we went. Floral wallpaper adorned every wall in the double storey house. ‘So you’re into nature then?’ I said. ‘Oh no, this is my granny’s influence as she lives with me and I can’t have it all my way.’ Pull another one, I wanted to scream in his face.


I couldn’t count the number of times I had to push him off from trying to stick his tongue down my sealed lips.


At his local, where none of his friends showed up – thank the heavens above for that – I ordered the mushroom lasagne with chips and a large Pinot Griggio. Would you believe it! he ordered exactly the same as me. Give me strength!


‘I’m a virgin,’ he said to me just as I took a mouthful of pasta. I don’t know how but I managed to keep it inside my mouth. ‘If we carry on seeing each other, and getting on this well then I’d like you to break me in, gently please.’


WTFF? I must have looked at him as if he had six eyes popping out of his forehead or something. I excused myself and went to the toilet. When I returned I told him that I had to go. But your train only leaves in an hour, he reminded me. We were 5mins from the station. I said that I’d made a mistake and had to go.


He got the message. Thank hell he did as I was about to get nasty.


Blah blah blah and finally I got on that train after the delays and after wishing I was already home and didn’t have to face the long journey back, feeling tired and grumpy and disappointed but at least I had with me a week’s supply of chocolate.


And then the announcement came that there were cancellations and terminations en route to Euston. Double damn! I wanted to scream a little more.


I had a double seat to myself but the train filled up rapidly. I looked down at my magazine, not really taking it in. As the train was about to depart, I looked up from the pages. There our eyes met for a brief few seconds. I felt a stab of electric currents in the pit of my abdomen. Something happened. Good looking? Yes. Sexy? Most definitely! Come and plonk your ass right next to me, I said to myself. I found it a challenge but managed to look back down at the magazine half slipping off my lap. Make my night, I kept on at myself, come on, sit next to me.


Immediately he walked straight past me. Then I felt disappointed, but not as much as I’d done because of earlier twat-head.


Next thing a voice from behind said, ‘Is this seat taken?’


“Not at all.”


“Thank you! What a journey already!”


To be continued…

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