Georgina’s Ratbag

Georgina’s Ratbag

‘That bloody ratbag!’ Georgina said to me with a mouth full of toasted tuna mayo sandwich. She picked up her iced-coffee and sucked at the straw.


‘I thought you fancied this one?’ I said, picking up a fork stacked with waffle dripping syrup and cream: a well-deserved weekend treat if anyone had to ask.


‘I do, I mean, I did – he’s unbloodybelievable! He thinks he’s God’s gift to everything in a skirt and I’m not having it!’ She huffed.


‘Come on, spit it out!’ I sat back in the chair and waited for the sweet fullness to settle before devouring further.


‘Farmer-Boy picked me up on Thursday night and had already eaten dinner at his friend’s place because – wait for it – he had to wait for me to finish work. So guess what I did? Yip, starve, which was probably done on purpose to save money…’


‘What’s he saving money for?’


‘Hold your horses, girlfriend! Before we even reach the pier he, tells me – are you ready? – “It’s best if you drive to the farm and I’ll give you petrol money.” Seriously, can you believe it?’


‘Petrol money?’ I had to stifle a laugh at my friend’s cheeks matching her red lipstick.


‘See! I couldn’t believe it either! He said my car is lighter on fuel than his bakkie.’


‘Maybe he genuinely can’t afford the petrol?’


‘Wait! It gets better. He said he’d rather spend the money on five-star meals or on me than waste the money on petrol. I said to him, “So, I must drive all the way out to you just to get my five-star meal?” I laughed in his suddenly ugly mug. The sod. And then he said I could spend the night or even weekend at his farm. He must’ve seen the look on my face because he quickly mentioned his spare bedroom. Who does he think he is!’


I was about to speak, tell her exactly what I thought of him, when she said, ‘What would you have done? Would you’ve been happy to go down to Moyo for a drink? Well, I did. I wanted to put the petrol expenditure out of my mind – I thought perhaps it’s all me. Perhaps I’m too frikkin fussy and expect too much from blasted rat-bags!’


‘I suppose I would’ve gone for a drink with him, but only if he made my body tingle after a kiss.’


She fell into a trance, and with a faraway look on her face, she explained how everything tingled when he kissed her with such intense passion that it felt as if she was the only woman on earth he’d ever longed to kiss.


‘Now that’s a kiss,’ I told her. ‘Surely you can forgive him after that, I added.


‘Perhaps I should let him kiss me again…and then make up my mind once and for all…’ Georgina smiled seductively at me.

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